“I wonder how I got to this point.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I fainted at home, and now I’m faced yet again with a battle.  I thought that I had accepted my fate as a Samurai Trooper.  I knew that no matter what I felt that I would have no choice but to fight.  Now I’m not so sure.  Why can’t I live a normal life? Why can’t I be going to classes at Tokyo University right now, dating girls, and thinking about the next test and if I would be able to graduate on time.  Why is it that those things are so far from my reach?  Kaosu, why did you have to give me the yoroi? Why not someone else? I…I’m not fit to fight.  I’m not strong enough.  Swimming used to be my escape, but now it only reminds me of fighting.  What was once peaceful is now fraught with images of war, yet I still come here.  I still sit on this dock, at this lake, and think about why I’m here.  I wanted to hope, I prayed that the yoroi were gone after the kikkotei were destroyed.  I knew they weren’t however.  I knew Suiko was still there with me, so I avoided the others.  I didn’t want to see them.  I didn’t want to be reminded of those battles, of that time.  Why can’t I get rid of you Suiko!? WHY!?” Shin clenched his eyes closed, a small wet drop trickled down his cheek. Shin has sat on the dock every day since they had run out of things to look up for Nasuti.  There was nothing else he could do, and he found that he could not be around the others.  Yet he could not stop thinking of the past and the present, he could not stop wondering if there would ever be a future to look forward to.  Shin had stopped sleeping at the house for several days, he could no longer sleep in the same room as Shu.  He couldn’t stand hearing Shu moan in his sleep, crying, and yelling in rage at his lack of strength.  Shin just couldn’t stand it anymore.  Day after day, Shin wished he could jump into the lake and never resurface.  He also knew that living and growing up in the ocean, he knew he would panic and that he would never be able to do it.  Each day he would stand closer to the edge of the dock.  Each day he’d look into the depths of the water.  Each day he would wish that he could just die, even if it meant dieing at the hands of the demon.  He no longer cared about anyone.  Shin stood on the edge of the dock, only his heels remained on the edge.  Shin wavered.  Tears fell from his eyes, for the first time in many years.  Shin leaned forward, and then back.  Forward and then back.  He had made up his mind.  He no longer wished to protect this world.  He no longer cared about it, about its fate, about his duties.  He just wished for peace.  Slowly Shin allowed his weight to carry him off the dock and into the water.  The cool wetness enveloped him, enveloped his soul.  The currents carried him to the bottom, and Shin refused to struggle.  In front of him Suiko stood, offering its help.  Shin refused, all Suiko wanted was battle, unwanted battles.  Slowly the armor morphed into the demon.  His bright yellow eyes shined even in the depths of the murky lake.  His bony gray hands reached out and locked themselves around Shin’s throat. Slowly they tightened.
 
“Do you hate me Shin?” A middle aged man asked as he slipped his arms into his brown suit jacket.  His black hair neatly combed, his brown eyes clouded with age and stress, “I promised to take you swimming.”
“You have to go to work.  I know,” A small boy chirped, a wide bright smile across his face.  The man leaned over and ruffled the reddish brown hair, and looked into his bright blue green eyes.
“The second I return, we’ll go swimming, okay?”
“I won’t let you forget!” The young Shin smiled as he watched his father leave.
 
Tou-san! Don’t go!! NO TOU-SAN!!
 
“Shin,” A young woman with the same red brown hair as her son, kneeled down her thin kind face streaked with tears, “Shin, I’ve got to tell you something.”
“Ka-chan, why are you crying?” Shin asked his blue green eyes mirrored in her own.
“It’s your father Shin.  He…He won’t be coming home,” Shin’s mother forced the words out, failing to hold back her sobs.
“That’s okay, he said we could go swimming when he was done with work.  I know what he does is important.  He’s a powerful person right? You said so, right?” Shin smiled, which seemed to only make his mother cry more.
“Yes, he was a powerful man,” Shin’s mother’s words were lost in her tears, Shin watched confused as she held him and cried.
 
Why? Why did he have to die?? He was strong, he was powerful! He didn’t deserve to die, not then…
 
“He was only a man.  He had no power,” Shin’s mother’s voice echoed as that last memory faded away.
 
No, he did.  Power and strength aren’t the same things.  The only thing I gained was strength.  Suiko only gave me strength not power.
 
“You are mere insects.  You have no power, and you are of no concern to us,” Sh’ten stated standing upon the roof of a tall building within Shinjuku.  The Troopers stood on the street, the result of Rekka’s power in front of them.
“You are wrong!” Ryo yelled brandishing a fist, “We have the power to defeat you and your master!”
 
Ryo, we never had that kind of power.  We sought it out, but we never had it to begin with.  That was the only reason we used the kikkotei.  We sought out its power, and it allowed us to use it, but in the end it was using us.  We never had the power to wield the yoroi. We could only hang on for the ride.  Even with the power of the virtues of humans, we are unable to control the yoroi.
 
“Shin! Shin! Can you hear me?” A voice echoed in Shin’s mind.  Slowly a blurry light filled his vision and blurry shapes hovered over him.  He could feel his body being bumped around.  He was in Nasuti’s jeep; Shu and Ryo were leaning over him. “Shin, hold on!” Ryo exclaimed as blackness seeped back around him.
It was a small room that they were allowed to occupy.  Two couches, one recliner, and one table with two chairs were all that was there.  Only pictures of far off scenery dotted the walls, no windows to allow light, hours and days were nothing and the same.  Shu had called Hagi the moment they had reached the hospital, Sayako was on her way up.  Nasuti was the only one allowed in the room with Shin, being the adult responsible for them.  Ryo, Touma, Seiji, and Shu were forced to wait in the emergency waiting room before they were shown to the waiting room of the care unit where Shin was placed.  The nurses and doctors refused to tell them anything.
The waiting room was lit with only two small lamps, on two equally small tables.  Ryo glanced down at his silver watch and watched as the second hand ticked toward the red twelve, seven o’clock in the morning.  It had been eighteen hours since they had arrived and none of them were going to head home any time soon.  Shu had claimed one of the couches, stretched out on his stomach, his right arm was his pillow, his left dangled to the floor.  Touma had won the fight with over the recliner and was stretched out to its full extent.  Seiji had offered Ryo the smaller of the two couches, but Ryo declined, knowing he wouldn’t get any sleep anyways.  Seiji lay as if he was frozen, on his back, his long golden hair fell along the side of the couch, his hands were folded neatly on his chest, and his feet dangled off the end.  Ryo had sat at the table all night, constantly looking from his watch to the door, hoping Nasuti would enter with good news.  Several soda cans and food wrappers littered the table in front of Ryo as he watched the second hand on his silver watch tick toward the red twelve, 7:01 in the morning.
The door to the small waiting room opened and Nasuti, carrying a sleepy Michio, walked in.  She surveyed the room once before locking eyes with the sleep deprived Ryo.
“They wouldn’t let Sayako take Michio into the room,” Nasuti stated softly as she readjusted her hold on Michio so that majority of his weight would be on her lap as she sat down across from Ryo at the table.
“Couldn’t Kenji watch him?” Ryo asked as he watched the young child fall asleep.
“There’s a festival or something going on and there was no way for him to get out of it as such late notice,” Nasuti explained as she took a second look around the room and at her sleeping friends.
“How is he?” Ryo asked barely audible, as if just the words alone would bring ill will.
“His breathing is still shallow,” Nasuti replied softly as she gently rocked Michio, “The doctor says it’s because of all the water that had gotten in his lungs, but somehow I think there’s more to it.” Nasuti readjusted herself in the seat to get more comfortable.  “He started to mumble halfway through the night.  He said things like ‘no father, don’t leave, you’ll die’ ‘why’ ‘I don’t want to fight’ and a lot more.  I just couldn’t understand, sometimes it sounded like he was fighting with someone.  I had to keep reminding myself that I was the only one there.” Nasuti once again scanned the small room, only this time two pairs of blue eyes were staring at the ceiling while the third was staring at the floor.
“Shin never wanted to fight… but to go this far?” Shu questioned.
“Shin had finally accepted the yoroi, as long as he had to fight he would, but now there is nothing we can do.  It has only led him back to his previous doubts.  What good does it do to always be forced to fight battles that are against the odds?” Seiji replied moving his head just slightly to glance over at Shu.
“Typical,” Touma smirked.
“Touma!” Nasuti exclaimed in a soft whisper.
“Quit scolding me like I’m a child,” Touma stated standing up, “The whole time in Africa it was Shin this and Shin that, once we got back it was Shin who had finally accepted the yoroi poor fragile Shin.  Meek and weak he needs everyone to worry about him,” Seiji and Shu had now sat up listening to Touma.  Touma waited for someone to reply, someone to defend Shin, but no one knew what to do.  Touma quickly left the stunned room in silence.
“Argh!” Shu grunted as he stood to follow Touma but Ryo stopped him.
“Let him be for now.”
            “But Ryo.”
“Ryo’s right, let him be,” Nasuti sighed,” You have to remember, Shu, Touma still isn’t used to dealing with other people.  Not like we are.”
“I know that, but…” Shu growled not really knowing what to say, and feeling even more helpless about it.
 
            Did I really want to do this? Was this really my wish? To die? To never see anyone ever again? It seemed like an easy choice just then, teetering on the edge of the dock.  It would rid myself of the pain in my soul.  I thought that I couldn’t cry anymore, but I was wrong, I couldn’t stop crying then.  The pain was so much, so much pain, I just couldn’t stand it anymore.  So I jumped, and I willed the pain away, I stayed at the bottom, I ignored Suiko’s plea for help.  But am I dead? Is this what it is like to be dead? Nothingness? Ryo and Shu, they were calling for me, I saw them, they had saved me, or tried to.  Is it still possible to live? Can I change my mind? Do I want to change my mind? Do I want to go back to that world where there is nothing but battles, pain, and hatred in my soul? I could see my father and my mother again.  I could live eternity with them.  We could finally be a happy family.  A real family, with a mother and a father.  And I am their son.
 
            “Hey, Shin, I have an idea.  When this is all over, when we’re done fighting.  Let’s open a restaurant together.  You can cook and I’ll take care of the business end!”
 
            My friends.  If I die, I’ll be letting down my friends.  They need Suiko to fight, but the armors are no use against the demon.  We aren’t strong enough to fight.  I thought I had finally understood Suiko in Africa.  Suiko, all the yoroi, they’re nothing but tools.  They have only one will and that is to fight. It is the wielders job to control the yoroi.  But we failed even at that task.  Why is that? We gained full control of the virtues, the virtues that bind the yoroi to our commands. ‘Shin’ I understand it.  I do, don’t I? I was able to ease their suffering in Africa when their armors were taken away.  I was able to help them see that the virtues are separate from the yoroi.  No, Byakuen showed me that, or should I say Kokuen.  Kokuen’s spirit showed me that the virtues were not part of the yoroi, but a power that controlled the yoroi.  The true power we had to control was not the yoroi, it wasn’t the kikkotei, it was our virtues.  ‘Shin’. I understand the idea of ‘Shin’ don’t I? Just like Seiji understands ‘Rei’.  No, Seiji doesn’t understand ‘Rei’.  How could he? ‘Rei’ is such an old idea.  In this day, in this modern era, how can he truly understand it?  The same with Ryo.  ‘Jin’.  Ryo’s good natured, but it’s impossible to truly live by the virtue of ‘Jin’.  At one time people did live by these virtues.  Touma’s smart, yes.  Touma’s a genius. No, that’s wrong.  Touma is only book smart. He’s an idiot when it comes to street smarts.  He can’t deal with other people, he doesn’t understand the workings of the world.  He only knows science and math.  ‘Chi’ has to be more than science and math.  True wisdom is wisdom of all knowledge, Touma doesn’t have that.  Shu.  Shu works by his own code of Justice.  But his justice is not the same as mine.  It’s not the same as Ryo’s, Seiji’s, Touma’s, or even Nasuti’s.  What is true justice? Is there such a thing as ‘Gi’?  I can’t even imagine what it would be.  So, then, I don’t know what ‘Shin’ is.  I never found the truth behind it.  What is it?  I must know now.  I must know what that is!
 
            “Sayako,” Shu whispered as he walked into Shin’s room, “How’s he doing?”
            “He hasn’t changed.  He keeps mumbling, though not as much as he was when Nasuti was here,” Sayako sighed as she turned to look at Shu.
            “What has he been saying?” Shu asked looking up at the young man laying peacefully in the bed, the small green line jumping, the noise of the ventilator breaking the silence of the room.
            “Shin.”
            “He mumbles his name?” Shu asked confused looking back down at Sayako, her messy black hair pulled back into a loose pony tail, her brown eyes full of worry.
            “No, Shin.  Suiko’s virtue.  It’s like he’s trying to figure out what it is,” Sayako frowned, “If you would like to stay with him for a bit, I can go get me something to drink.”
            “No, that’s okay.  I’ll go get you something,” Shu replied shaken out of his thoughts.
            “Thank you.” Shu left the room and headed down the hall toward the cafeteria. His mind torn between Touma and Shin.  They never did get along, but why all of the sudden did Touma blow up like that.  It just wasn’t like him.  Shu walked through the doors of the cafeteria, the smells of a mass produced breakfast wafted past his nostrils.  He scanned the room, the hot line at one end, an older lady in a white apron stood waiting to scoop a spoon full of eggs from the pan before her.  A row of fountain machines lined perpendicular to the hot line of food, offering some cereal and fruit.  The rest of the room was filled with tables and chairs.  The room seemed to be void of life, other than the lady serving the food.  In the far corner Shu saw something move.  On the last table at the back of the room, Shu saw a tray full of eggs, rice, fried fish, cereal, several cartons of milk and orange juice.  Two blue eyes looked up and met Shu’s, an emotion Shu couldn’t place was communicated to him.  Quickly they turned away, and Shu walked toward the hot line.  He ordered some breakfast, and some coffee for Sayako and Nasuti, as well as some juice and milk for Seiji and Ryo.  Without looking at Touma Shu left the cafeteria.
            He took the food and drinks to Sayako and his friends, and then left again without a word.  He needed time to think, he needed to find a place to think.  As he walked toward the elevators he passed Touma in the hall.
            “Shu!” Touma called, Shu stopped and turned around to face his friend, uncertainty in his eyes, “Where are you going?”
            “Somewhere to think.  I just need to be alone,” Shu replied quietly.  Touma looked at him, trying to read his thoughts. This voice was not the Shu he knew, it was uncertain, and almost scared.
            “Don’t…Don’t do anything stupid, like Shin did,” Touma replied.
            “Don’t call him stupid!” Shu snapped glaring at Touma, “Why must you hate him so much?”
            “I… I don’t know.  I can’t explain it.  Just… Just forget what I said earlier,” Touma hesitated, almost forcing the words out.  Shu knew he was just saying it, just to satisfy him.
            “Let me ask you one thing Touma,” Shu stalked down the hall toward the blue haired archer, “What is ‘Chi’?”
            “You know what it means,” Touma replied shocked by Shu’s question.
            “No, not it’s meaning, Touma.  Do you know WHAT ‘CHI’ is?” Shu asked again looking Touma in the eyes.  Watching as he searched his brain for the answer, “I didn’t think so.” Shu turned and walked off toward the elevators leaving Touma dumbstruck in the hall.